What was a 29-year, 435-day-old married woman with no piercings, with a job and a car, doing in line to spend her hard-earned money? Oh yeah, those baby blues ... .
I had heard Limp's cover of George Michael's "Faith" and had been duly impressed, but it was not until I saw them on MTV's Ultrasound that I paid attention.
A couple band members said things to earn them points. Wes said he was taking medication for ADD and missed his wife when he was on the road. Fred expressed insecurities about rapper Method Man thinking he was a poseur and said he questioned the importance of sex in the hierarchy of a relationship. And, oh yeah, he had those baby-blue eyes.
I was hooked. Every song on Significant Other struck a chord with me. Fred made a connection with my faith by writing "God has blessed me" in the liner notes. Limp could do no wrong. Sounds like a high-school crush, destined for a crash-and-burn, right?
When I heard Fred say that signing chicks' breasts and butts was the coolest thing about being a rock star, I was disappointed. But when he introduced Heather Locklear and her breasts on an MTV awards shows - because they couldn't introduce themselves I suppose - my feminist side stood up and roared, "Excuse me?"
Had success turned my creative, self-doubting artist into a pig? Well, yes, it appeared so. Three Dollar Bill, Ya'll and Significant Other lost their coveted spots in my CD case. Okay, maybe if I was surfing and caught one of Limp's videos, I would pause for a while. You know, those baby blues.
But the true test came when I heard "Rollin'" for the first time. I tried not to like it, but my head did start banging, just a little. Then I saw the video, and the dancers were still clothed, so I decided to give them a second chance.
Then Limp had their CD release party at the Playboy mansion, and before my feminist feathers could become too ruffled, Fred started explaining how one of the new songs on Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water is about finding "the one" you can be with the rest of your life.
You have a bridge somewhere you want to sell me? I'm such a sucker.
So, I went out and bought the new CD, and I must say the boys of Limp have outdone themselves. Although hip hop makes a few appearances, the album leans more toward metal. But what impresses me most is that the band didn't seem to compromise for radio play or to appease its critics. Fred's lyrics are more raw and emotional in songs like "Hot Dog," "My Way," "It'll Be OK," and "Boiler." Again, Fred expresses all those things so many of us keep buried in that mental crawl space labeled "Keep the Hell Out." In the liner notes, Fred writes, "These songs are a gateway to our souls." Ah, platinum-selling recording artists have feelings just like you and me.
So why did I stand in line at HyVee? Because if Fred came up to me and asked me to autograph any piece of his anatomy, I would too. Because I've questioned authority and told people to kiss my ass and had people doubt me and hurt me just like his lyrics confess. And maybe, just once, I too did it for the nookie. And, oh yeah, he has those baby blues ... .
Limp Bizkit and Eminem will perform with Papa Roach and Xzibit on Sunday, November 5, at 7 p.m. at The MARK.