"Girls Gone Wild?"
"That's right, your honor. Those videos you see on late-night TV."
"I'm afraid the wife and I go to bed pretty early, counselor. Do they advertise on Diagnosis Murder?"
"Not too often, judge. It's those videos where they catch female college students on spring break getting drunk and taking off their tops. The whole concept is pretty disgusting."
"Who are you?"
"Ronald Guttman, your honor. I represent MRA Holdings, LLC, the producers of the series. I object to counsel's use of the word 'disgusting.' They're quite tasteful, compared to some other drunken topless flasher videos I could name."
"Understood. Is the plaintiff here?"
"Yes, your honor."
"Bailiff, swear in Becky Lynn Gritzke."
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
"I dunno. Like, I guess so. Sure."
"Have you sobered up by now?"
"Pretty much. But I could use a couple Tylenol."
"Ms. Gritzke, the Associated Press reports that you took off your top at Mardi Gras last year 'in exchange for beads and trinkets.' Is that correct?"
"You know, that whole week is kinda hazy. I do remember some beads, though."
"And about a month later, you say you were surprised to find that not only were you featured on the latest Girls Gone Wild video, but you actually saw yourself half-naked in the commercial."
"Boy, was that embarrassing! I'm sitting on the couch watching TV with my grandma, and the spot comes on, right between Metal Hits of the '80s and some guy making juice out of carrots. And Grandma goes, 'Becky, is that you?' Talk about humiliating."
"Mr. Guttman, what do your clients have to say about this?"
"Your honor, as I told the Associated Press, 'There is no privacy protection for people who take off their clothes in public, especially at big public events where a lot of people have cameras.'"
"Sounds a little sneaky to me."
"We're in a time-sensitive business, your honor. You snooze, you lose."
"Counsel for the plaintiff?"
"Your honor, we're defending Ms. Gritzke's God-given right to get smashed at Mardi Gras and make a fool of herself without winding up in a frat-boy video. We seek unspecified damages."
"No way, judge! We're barely turning a profit as it is."
"Ms. Gritzke, do you have anything to add?"
"Just that I was, like, really bummed out about my reputation and everything. I'm a business major at Florida State, you know. By the way, what's a trinket?"
"All right, the court will take a short recess to consider the various legal issues at stake here. Bailiff, bring that video back to my chambers, and let's have a look."
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