"Will the Senator yield?" "No, I will not yield. The whole idea of a filibuster is to keep talking until everybody gives up. Didn't you take any history courses in high school?" "You can't kill this campaign-finance-reform bill, Mitch. It's going to pass."

"Over my dead body! The American people aren't ready for such an extreme, unconstitutional measure! And to save the country, I'm going to read the entire phone book into the Congressional Record. Here goes: 'Ackerman, Adamoski, Annenberg, Arbogast, Ashkenazy - '"

"C'mon, forget this filibuster thing. Let's get back to the people's business. I move we create a special committee to save Amtrak, and then pull the arms off that traitor John Walker Lindh."



"Forget it. I'm not yielding. All right, 'Bailey, Beemer, Bozeman, Buckman, Byzezesker - ' "

"I'm telling you, it won't work. Filibuster or not, we're screwed. If we vote against reform, we look like a bunch of crooks, and if we vote for it, we'll never get elected again."

"Exactly! And then we all go back home to some crummy Oldsmobile dealership or a waste-management company. I'm not giving up this cushy job without a fight."

"But voters want campaign reform. They're tired of a small group of rich contributors wielding enough influence to run the whole country."

"What about freedom of speech? And about my rich contributors' - I mean, my constituents' - rights? What good is having money if you can't spend it on a candidate who'll take your phone call at two in the morning?"

"Point of order, senators. Freedom of speech isn't absolute. You can't yell 'fire' in a crowded theater. You can't libel or slander someone. You can't even say the F word on TV."

"Okay, there's a compromise right there. I move we table this finance-reform thing and appoint a special committee to investigate saying the F word on TV."

"Good idea. Second - "

"Hang on. You're all panicking. We just have to keep this bill hung up until the whole Enron thing blows over and everybody quits crying about all this 'honesty' crap."

"The Enron thing doesn't look good, Mitch. They're all pleading total amnesia now. Ken Lay's wife says he couldn't even recall the word for toaster this morning and had to use hand signals at breakfast."

"I don't care. We just have to hang tough. Nobody understands this hard-money/soft money thing anyway. They think hard money is your ATM card."

"Senator, I move we create a special joint House-Senate committee to drag its feet on this whole campaign-reform thing until everybody forgets about it."



"What about fixing Amtrak and pulling the arms off John Walker Lindh?"

"We'll tack that on as an amendment."

"All right, all in favor ... ."

Copyright 2002 Newrite, Inc. All rights reserved. GLW's on WGN Radio 720. E-mail and listen at (

Support the River Cities' Reader

Help Keep the Reader Alive and Free Since '93!


"We're the River Cities' Reader, and we've kept the Quad Cities' only independently owned newspaper alive and free since 1993. Now we find our ability to continue providing all the features you love in serious jeopardy without the financial support of our readers.

So please help the Reader keep going with your one-time, monthly, or annual support. With your financial support the Reader can continue providing uncensored, non-scripted, and independent journalism alongside the Quad Cities' area's most comprehensive cultural coverage." - Todd McGreevy, Publisher