In this Year of National Elections, this political horoscope is presented as a public service in an effort to successfully plot the course for all who aspire to political activism.

Why do so many Hollywood stars turn into Marx-huggers when it comes to politics?

Some believe it's embedded in their DNA. Entertainers are professional emoters. People who emote for a living tend to see the whole world through their emotions. Cry for the camera; cry for "social justice." Moan for the microphone; moan for "equality of outcome." Mug for an audience; mug for "welfare rights."

Others contend that they all live in Airheadsville.

To get to the bottom of this mysterious phenomenon, ace scoop snooper Poppy Rhattzi of the Hollywood Star Snitcher tabloid was assigned to go undercover and follow, spy on, photograph, and relentlessly stalk Movieland's newest starlet, Castine Couche. Here is her report.

All right! Wow! Ha ha. What a great-looking audience. My name is Hill Larrius, and it's great to be here in Vegas! Whoo!

Hey, what's up with these crazy presidential candidates? We have this McCain guy for the Republicans, right? Now, I'm not gonna say he's old, 'cause he really didn't fight in the Civil War, right? Hell no! He was already way too old for that war, see? Ha ha ha.

Then over here we have this Democrat, Obama, who keeps promising change. So if we elect him president, we'll have change, right? Like he'll raise our taxes and all we'll have left in our pockets is change. Ha ha ha! Ooooh. Hey, don't get mad at me, I'm just the messenger here.

There once was a proper young English miss named Alice Pleasance. She, according to Lewis Carroll biographers, was the real-life inspiration for a fictional Alice who tumbled down a rabbit hole and commenced a tour of a riotous realm called Wonderland.

During her wanderings, she encountered an egg named Humpty Dumpty and came away with a memorable sound bite.

Declaimed Mr. Dumpty, "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."

NEW YORK (, July 24, 2008 - The national minimum wage went up 70 cents on Thursday as the second of three planned increases mandated by Congress took effect. The national minimum wage will increase to $6.55 per hour as part of the Fair Minimum Wage Act of 2007.

Let's imagine that the old metaphor "climbing the ladder of success" isn't metaphorical but literal.

It's rare enough in this age of politician worship and dutiful rules-following for a citizen to speak truth to Power, but it's outright stunning when Power speaks truth to citizens.

Scrambling to rewrite gun laws after the U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the right of individuals to bear arms (DC v. Heller), the District of Columbia Council voted to end the most restrictive anti-gun laws in the nation and replace them with new restrictions.

Who are Barack Obama's supporters?

Picture an old 1950s era black-and-white zombie movie. The undead rise from their graves, begin lurching forward, arms outstretched, eyes vacant, all murmuring eerily in unison, "Change, change, change ... ."

Except Obama's zombies don't rise from graves. They emerge from high schools and colleges and Hollywood soundstages and media centers.

Libertarians continually point out that the one thing mainstream politicians everywhere never seem to learn, no matter how many do-overs they get, is this: All actions have consequences; ill-conceived actions have unintended consequences.

This is because the politician's response to every issue is the same: Governmental coercion solves all problems.

Admit it. You know you've done it. You're loafing in your Laz-Z-Butt lounger in your living room, or compressed between passengers in the middle seat on the Crack o' Dawn flight to East Piddlyborough, or sneaking an on-the-job mini-vacation in the stinky-stall of your workplace pottyroom, when your eyes land on a line of type in the local Balderdash Bulletin you've been drowsily browsing through.

Some subnormal moron did something stunningly stupid today, or said something incredibly enlightened, or offered an ignorant opinion, and it was all prominently preserved in newsprint.

You want to yell at the newspaper. Show it to someone. Vehemently voice your concurrence or your condemnation.